Hay Girl Hay



I come from a family where the earth means something. For my maternal grandfather, that “something” was income and vocation; he still lives in the same farmhouse in Grafton, OH where he was born, and the fields surrounding it were once home to cows and chickens and crops that literally fed his family but also fed the family with steady financial resources. As my mom and her five siblings got older, he stopped growing corn and hay and beans and started growing family trees instead, as four of his six children were given a chunk of his farm as land on which to build their homes. He still keeps a medium sized garden by his home, and the output of his vegetables is a source of pride for him as he ages. Likewise, my mom is happiest with her hands in the dirt, creating fresh flower arrangements and quite enjoying it when her zinnias grow behind the height of the mailbox in her driveway



My dad grew up spending summer weeks with his maternal grandfather in Circleville, OH. It planted a seed within him of a dream to live a similar lifestyle, where there is always a project that needs fixing, plenty of space to see nature, and a visible cycle of life to watch in fields and animals. While farming is a full-time job for many, for my dad it is his hobby in addition to work. As I have grown older, my image of my dad has changed from a man in casual scrubs to one wearing flannel, well-used jeans, and the occasional John Deere cap. He raises draft horses, specifically Belgians, and this weekend I was home with him to help with the summer’s second cutting of hay.



For those who don’t know much about making hay, it is a simple yet lengthy process. First, you need a streak of dry and hot days. From there, it takes a lot of equipment pulled by tractors. The hay is mowed down into strips, then tedded (a farm word for spread out to dry), then usually tedded again a day or two later to dry the flipside, then raked into neat lines, which are then scooped up by a hay baler, shaped into square or round bales, and collected into wagons or dropped back in the field to be picked up later. This second cutting was a standard square bale day for us, and we churned out 800+ bales in a few days.



The thing about hay baling is that it exposes you to the earth’s rawness. Life in a field of freshly mowed hay is teeming with grasshoppers, birds, sunlight, dust, bees, heat, that fresh cut grass smell…this weekend, as I walked around these fields, I couldn’t help but feel the reality that people have been doing this very process, experiencing these same senses, for generations. My dad, my maternal grandfather, and my paternal great-grandfather all are connected by harvesting hay from the earth. The love of the land roots them together as they prepare their barns for the winter that is always coming.



At one point this weekend, my dad looked at me and said, “This is good work for a dad and his children to do together.” I often complain about hay season, because it’s hot, and the bales cut up your arms and legs, and there’s always another wagon to unload. But this weekend, I felt a part of something, this generational unity passed down through earth’s abundance. Whitman made the earth’s turf famous in his Leaves of Grass collection, where he writes, “I believe a blade of grass is no less than the journey-work of the stars.” Amen, Walt. Perhaps that while we lose ourselves in cosmic wonder, there is equal wonder below our feet, in the most ordinary of nature’s output. Grass is food for our animals, our summertime blanket, a soft cushion for the diving outfielder, the clothing of bare earth. And on the farm, grass brings generations together. 




Freedom in Detroit




I arrived in Detroit two days late to my three day job training to be a “Servant Companion” for the ELCA Youth Gathering. I’ll admit, I felt fear. Fear for finding my place, fear of this new city where my friends from that area said I should not walk the mile between Ford Field and my lodging once it was evening. There was shame for that fear, too—shame because I believed the stereotypes about Detroit, that it was unsafe and unloving.



I am familiar with fear this summer—that knot of unknown grips me often in my days walking the busy streets of a children’s hospital, armed with a badge that reads CHAPLAIN and little else besides my own body and mind. One person can only do so much, I often think, as I am called to walk with patients and families facing jarring injury or long term treatment.



In Detroit, our servant companion mission was to launch 10,000 people in mere hours from downtown to metro service projects for three straight days. On the morning of day 1, the chaos was upon us. Thousands gathered in the heat as buses failed to gather. Hundreds landed on sites not yet prepared with tools or lunches or bathrooms. So many who were motivated to work were held back by this logistics nightmare. Day 1 ended in sunburns, dehydration, exhaustion, and a dark reality—I have to do this for two more days?



How does one go from exhaustion to exhilaration? The answer this week was in worship. Every night, 30,000 gathered to dance and run and clap and boldly sing and be moved by forces that were irresistibly good. Speakers showed us a world where Detroit is our brother and sister, not a town of victims needing rescue.  Songs of freedom and deep waters and Motown beats drew courage out of us to let go of our natural mindsets where we limit ourselves and instead to grab hold of this amazing energy brought by the youth to this city, this radical cheerfulness in the face of all hunger and fatigue and delays. The endless high-five trains and free hugs and selfies carried us to a place of joy and hope and playfulness.



By Day 3, our pep talk had changed. There was no long explanation of technicalities. There were none of the never-ending “what if…” questions about scenarios of failure. One person simply stood up, looked at us, and said, “We’re gonna kick some ass today. Let’s go.”



And go we did. 10,000 marched into a city for the third straight day because their love of neighbor was too big for them to stay silent, to stay still, to not meet the faces behind the neighborhood doors. 10,000 marched into trashed lots and abandoned homes and community parks to create so much shock that neighbors couldn’t help but to come out on their porch and stare at this sea of orange shirts who were dragging tires out of brush and opening up lost sidewalks and removing human-sized thistles. Bishops and adolescents and locals worked alongside one another in a harmony of beauty and sweat and laughter and companionship.



It was an amazing paradox—the more exhausted we were, the more we gave in to the exhilaration of this holy work. What was hopelessness on day 1 became a craving to stay longer by day 3. We were freed by a joy that broke chains of fear and frustration. I was told once that the glory of God is the human being fully alive, and I felt that this week, as we became humans who were so lucky to live such full, complete days.



And so, the next time my trauma pager goes off at 3am, and I have to “rise up” out of bed to face what is unimaginable for any family, I will remember this energy of faith that conquers all fear of my own self-limiting tendency.



After all, one person can only do so much


Removing Sandals


It doesn’t take long at a children’s hospital to know that you are not going to get anywhere with most patients if you are not somewhat familiar with their animated friends. Most of my floor visits seem to require as much knowledge about Despicable Me minions as they do about theology. I’ve been thinking about how these animated films are so real to young children, as every hospital aquarium becomes a search for Nemo, and every stuffed Olaf is a true friend who stays bedside with patients all the time in a way that I cannot.  


In terms of real application to life, there’s another animated movie I’ve had on my mind recently. Every day for the chaplain interns and for many other employees here begins with a 20 minute ride in on the hospital shuttle, and ends with a similar ride back to the parking lot. Particularly in the morning, these rides are an exercise in thumb mechanics, as almost everyone has their head down, smart phone out, and imaginary walls up. We become private cells flowing in and out of a massive complex, an ironic reality for a building that cares for the highly connected tissues of the human body. Pixar’s Wall-E tells a similar story of humanity, where humans have adapted to only see the screens in front of them and completely forget about the life near them in their human neighbor. Life becomes a bland mix of entertainment and food indulgence, where the flavorings of community and romance and friendship and contagious laughter and compassion and accompaniment have ceased. Only one robot with his selfless determination to merely hold someone’s hand works to break this cycle. 


The OT story of Moses and the burning bush comes to mind as I consider this challenge of breaking from the passive normal.  This is a story about presence on holy ground, as Moses is invited into a space of reverence, a space of power, a space of recognition where divine and human collide. It is a space of flesh and spirit and grounding earth, as sandals are removed along with any other duties to the outside world. 


Life as a chaplain is leading me to believe that this type of encounter does not require some burning bush in a pasture. It does not require angel messengers, or pillars of fire, or prophetic speeches, or an incarnate son. I think it simply requires multiple people. I’m reminded of these bold words of Walt Whitman:


“I believe in the flesh and the appetites.

Seeing, hearing, feeling, are miracles, and each part and tag of me is a miracle

Divine am I inside and out, and I make holy whatever I touch or am touch’d from

The scent of these armpits aroma finer than prayer,

This head more than churches, bibles, and all the creeds”


Whitman isn’t exactly a strict theologian. He is a poet of the body and of the divineness already present there. We are created in the endlessly diverse image of God, and therefore all people we meet offer this same opportunity for holy ground that Moses experienced. Whitman reminds us that we need to look no further than each other’s physical presence to experience the divine. The unemployed, the CEO tax collectors, those gay and straight, our friends and enemies……ALL reflect divine. This is the honor we get to experience in “holy ground” spaces around our cities, in our families, in our travels.



There’s another story of divine/human encounter that I’d like to share. This appeals more toward my present medical setting, and it comes from the writing of a surgeon, Dr. Richard Selzer and his book, Mortal Lessons. This was a gift to me in my brief medical school days, but I find this story amazing for anyone to hear. He writes this from the bedside of one of his patients:



I stand by the bed where a young woman lies, her face postoperative, her mouth twisted in palsy, clownish. A tiny twig of the facial nerve, the one to the muscles of her mouth, has been severed. She will be thus from now on. The surgeon had followed with religious fervor the curve of her flesh; I promise you that. Nevertheless, to remove the tumor in her cheek, I had to cut the little nerve.


Her young husband is in the room. He stand on the opposite side of the bed and together they seem to dwell in the evening lamplight, isolated from me, private. Who are they, I ask myself, he and this wry mouth I have made, who gaze at and touch each other so generously, greedily?


The young woman speaks, "Will my mouth always be like this?" she asks. "Yes," I say, "it will. It is because the nerve was cut."


She nods and is silent. But the young man smiles. "I like it," he says, "It is kind of cute."


All at once I know who he is. I understand and I lower my gaze. One is not bold in an encounter with a god. Unmindful, he bends to kiss her crooked mouth and I am so close I can see how he twists his own lips to accommodate to hers, to show her that their kiss still works. I remember that the gods appeared in ancient Greece as mortals, and I hold my breath and let the wonder in.”



To Selzer, and to us who get to witness this tale because of his writing, we experience a holy ground moment of encounter between human and human. All the ingredients are there—connection, relationship, sadness, compassion, listening, fear, spirituality, love, awe. Indeed, love can bloom in the stoniest of places.



Let us walk with eyes to see a world of God-images, both within and among us. In that mindset, suddenly holy ground does not seem so unreachable at all in our small world of mobile living lights of the human spirit.  God meets humans in creation, and we are witnesses to small burning bushes moving around us.



And so, I too remove my shoes and with bare feet come upon new faces in these hospital rooms, ready for the magic where divine and human meet.